


What Is And What Should Never Be

by addicted_2_manga



Series: The Star-Crossed Lovers of Servamp [5]
Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Guess who just happens to appear, He wishes he had a Tsurugi to make himself feel better, He's feeling really vulnerable, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Mikuni is having a shitastic night, Sorry!, They "make love", and then more hurt, much angst, they don't have sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 21:07:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16103822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addicted_2_manga/pseuds/addicted_2_manga
Summary: Mikuni is having a really bad night. Misono has just been rushed to the hospital after being attacked by Sakuya, and there's nothing Mikuni can do about it other than worry. It's times like this that Mikuni can't stop obsessing over his regrets... and there's one in particular that haunts him like a curse.What happens when that very regret comes walking out of the 7-11 right in front of him?





	What Is And What Should Never Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Fanclub_1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fanclub_1/gifts).



> \@_@/ THIS SHOULD BE CONSIDERED THE UNOFFICIAL CHAPTER 0 OF THE MULTI-CHAPTER COLLABORATION BETWEEN MYSELF AND KANRACCHI \@_@/

   Mikuni Alicein was many things: mysterious, cunning, pragmatic, and most of all, exceedingly power-hungry. The one adjective that never did fit quite right when describing the eve of Envy was ‘vulnerable’. Mikuni Alicein, however, was still just another human at the end of the day. And he currently found himself at the end of one of those impossible days that seemingly exist to claw at one’s nerves.  
   He sighed heavily as he exited out of his messages and slipped his cell phone back into his jean pocket. Misono was settled at the hospital and Lily had said there was no need to worry. All the same, Mikuni’s stomach churned anxiously.  
    _If only I could go see the little brat. Or even just talk to him myself instead of having to go through Lily._  
   Mikuni let out a grunt of frustration and kicked out at the side of the building he was just passing. Misono hated him outright, with a seething blindness that crushed Mikuni’s heart when he dwelled too long on the rift between them. Likely, his brother would never know the truth and there would never be a chance at reconciliation. Mikuni had come to terms with that, but he would never stop watching over the stubborn little Alicein from afar. As inconceivable as it seemed, he was capable of affection and he couldn’t possibly love Misono anymore than he already did.  
    _I don’t want to think about this shit._  
   He preferred to think of his brother as little as possible; though he failed miserably at that endeavor. It wasn’t so much the pain was too great. Fixating on how things went wrong with Misono was like opening a Pandora’s box of regrets and there was one raging beast in that box that Mikuni wanted to avoid at all costs.

   If this had been another time in his life, if he were still a different Mikuni than the one he was now… there would be a highly skilled magician that he could so easily lose himself in at a time like this.  
   'Why did I leave again?' It was a question he found himself asking more and more lately. It seemed so clear back when he was younger. He couldn’t face the indiscriminate nature of C3. Finding out that Tsurugi, in particular, killed humans as easily as he did vampires forced Mikuni to confront his own crimes. What he had done to his own mother, to keep Misono safe, had been too fresh a memory at the time. So, he’d fled. Over time, Mikuni came to see the hypocrisy of youth. He had become quite the merciless killer himself, completely of his own volition.  
_If I’d stayed, at least I’d still have Tsurugi right now. I sure fucked that up._  
   Mikuni scowled as he felt the heat build in his cheeks. He hated showing weakness, even if there was no one around to witness it. He resented his heart at times like this. A defeated sigh escaped his mouth as a sudden shiver raced down his spine. Denial only went so far. In the end, he couldn’t escape the beautifully broken black-haired ghost that haunted him. Tsurugi had always known exactly how to make the whole world fall away until all that remained was the dizzying heat of their bodies moving together.  
   T _he things I’d do to him right now. I’d wreck that fairy twink._  
   Mikuni shuddered. He needed to get home and relieve some of the day’s tension. He rounded the corner just in time to see the very specter he was imagining step out onto the sidewalk with a bag full of convenience-store snacks hanging from one arm and his cell phone in his hands.

   Tsurugi smiled down at his phone. Junichiro had just sent a picture of Takuto fast asleep, cuddling the stuffed Snoopy Tsurugi had given him the other day. He sent a quick reply and slipped his cell into the 7-11 bag with his shopping. Looking up, he was dumbfounded to see Mikuni stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, watching him with an unreadable expression. Tsurugi approached cautiously, stopping just a few feet short of his ex-partner. Something about Mikuni’s presence gave him pause. Instead of launching into his usual antagonizing flirtations, he stood rooted to the spot. He stared into Mikuni’s eyes, head cocked inquisitively as he tried to figure out what felt off. After a few silent moments, Mikuni stepped forward, grabbed Tsurugi by his shirt collar and pulled. The C3 agent hardly had time to react before he found their bodies crashing together and Mikuni’s teeth hungrily scraping against his lips as their mouths met. It only took a few moments, however, for him to drop his bag to the ground and eagerly throw his arms up around Mikuni’s neck.  
   It had been months since the last time coincidence saw their paths cross, and the last time had been nothing like this. Tsurugi couldn’t fathom what had possessed the man, but he hardly cared. He found no shame in simply losing himself to the intoxicating scent, taste, and heat that he’d been deprived of for so long. It was nice to be experiencing this again, in the waking world, instead of only in his favourite dreams. One of Tsurugi’s hands had found its way down Mikuni’s body and was sliding up underneath his shirt to explore Mikuni’s toned torso when the blonde suddenly broke the kiss and pulled back.  
   “Tsurugi.” He panted, staring into Tsurugi’s eyes with an animalistic need. “Please.”  
   A shiver quaked through Tsurugi’s body as his eyes widened and his mouth fell open in naked shock. It may have been a long time since the two of them had been anything of consequence, but Mikuni was too deeply etched into Tsurugi’s memory for him to miss the hidden pain and the unspoken request. With a sweet smile, Tsurugi bent down to pick up his shopping and then motioned for Mikuni to follow him down the street. He kept his eyes out as Mikuni fell into step with him and tried to lead his former partner into the first promising alley he spotted.  
   “No.” Mikuni reached out and grabbed Tsurugi’s wrist. Tsurugi pivoted on his heel and met his eyes curiously. Mikuni just stared back at him, uncertain. He looked so vulnerable in that moment. Other than Tsurugi, probably Jeje was the only being to ever see that particular look on that particular Alicein’s face. Tsurugi stepped back up to him and dared to put a hand on his cheek. Bad blood or not, all Tsurugi wanted was to lighten Mikuni’s burden. It was only the barest suggestion of movement, but Mikuni turned his face into Tsurugi’s hand a moment.  
   “Just come home with me.” He murmured.  
   Tsurugi’s breath hitched. He couldn’t believe what was happening, but he was hardly one to question it. Of course he’d do anything to please this exquisitely damaged blonde. “Ok, Kuni-chan.”  
   Relieved, Mikuni took the lead and the two of them made their way to The Land of Nod in silence.

***

   It had been far too long since Tsurugi last found himself sat on a bed, waiting for Mikuni. He couldn’t help but watch hungrily as the eager blonde made quick work of getting undressed.  
    _Hmmm… Kuni-chan sure is looking good these days. I just want to lick him all over._ He grinned up at his ex-partner, skin tingling in anticipation. Mikuni offered a small, fragile smile in return as he came to join Tsurugi in the bed. Tsurugi’s grin faltered at the pain shading Mikuni’s eyes.  _I wish I could take it all away for you, Kuni-chan._ He reached out and ran his fingers through Mikuni’s hair, hoping the gesture would convey his sympathy. Mikuni sighed and closed his eyes a moment to focus on the tender touch he missed so much.

  
   “Tsurugi.” He started as he opened his eyes. “Will you take off your shirt?” Tsurugi’s hand stilled in Mikuni’s hair and he winced. They may have been lovers once, but it had been so long ago now that Tsurugi had become self-conscious again.  
   “Please?” Miknui grabbed Tsurugi’s hand and brought it to his mouth. It was Tsurugi’s turn to close his eyes as he reveled in the sensation of those soft, warm lips against his skin. “I still think they’re beautiful.” Mikuni whispered into Tsurugi’s palm, reading his mind. “You’re beautiful. Please, Tsurugi?” He released Tsurugi’s hand and with a nervous sigh, the raven-haired mage pulled his shirt up over his head, and tossed it to the floor. He resisted the urge to hunch his shoulders and cross his arms over his chest. Instead, he peered up at Mikuni shyly, biting his lip.  
   Mikuni's first genuine smile of the night unfurled itself across his face as he sat back against the headboard and beckoned Tsurugi with a crook of his finger. Eagerly returning the smile, Tsurugi crawled over to straddle him. He wrapped his arms around Mikuni’s neck and let his eyes fall blissfully shut as their lips joined together. Matching moans rumbled up from heir throats as they took their time reacquainting themselves with the textures and tastes inside each other’s mouths. Their tongues slid and rolled against each other desperately as the kiss stretched on, teeth began scraping against lips, and their moans grew louder and longer as they felt their dicks hardening against each other.  
   Soon enough, they had to pull apart to catch their breaths. They gazed into each other’s faces in wonderment, appreciating their matching swollen lips and flushed cheeks. Gulping in air, they looked down at their throbbing cocks. They raised their eyes back up to share salacious smirks.  
   “Ride me, Tsurugi.” Mikuni growled.  
   “Whatever you want, Kuni-chan.” Tsurugi purred before taking one of Mikuni’s hands and slipping a few fingers into his mouth. He moaned dramatically around them as he set to work coating them well with his saliva. Mikuni had always loved his exaggerated reactions; though he’d always been loathe to admit it.  
Mikuni sighed happily and reached down to grab hold of Tsurugi’s shaft. He gave it a few swift strokes, eliciting a sharp gasp and truly deep, lewd moan from his beautiful magic boy. Satisfied, Tsurugi pulled his mouth back off of Miknui’s fingers and leaned in flush against him as Mikuni reached down and slipped into Tsurugi’s entrance slowly, one finger at a time. Tsurugi practically purred with each addition and nuzzled his face into Mikuni’s neck, pressing his lips and tongue against his precious blonde’s hot, delicious skin. It seemed hardly any time at all until Tsurugi was leaving fresh red marks alongside Mikuni’s jugular as he moved himself eagerly against those familiar, skilled fingers.  
   “Ready, Kuni-chan.” He groaned.

   Mikuni used his free hand to pull Tsurugi in for a tender kiss as he slowly withdrew his fingers. Tsurugi moaned into his mouth and gave his bottom lip a teasing nip before pulling back and carefully guiding himself down onto Mikuni’s length. They both hissed in pleasure as Tsurugi slowly lowered himself as far down as possible and allowed himself a minute to adjust. They shared another short, sweet kiss, Tsurugi cupping Mikuni’s face in his hands, almost reverently. They pulled apart and Tsurugi began moving slowly up and down, locking his golden gaze on the gorgeous shade of desire he found in Mikuni’s amber eyes. Even as Miknui gripped Tsurugi by the waist and began guiding his pace, and the air became heavy with their heated grunts and moans, the two of them forced their eyes to stay open so they could keep watching. Almost as if they instinctively knew this wouldn’t happen again and were determined to burn the sights and sounds of the moment into their memories.  
   “K-kuni-chan.” Tsurugi breathed heavily. “P-please touch me. I’m c-close.”  
   “Hmmmm.” Mikuni let go of Tsurugi with one hand and Tsurugi paused to give Mikuni a chance to grab hold of him. “I’m close too.” Mikuni sighed at the feel of Tsurugi’s dick twitching in his hand.  
   “You feel so good inside me, Kuni-chan. And on me.” Tsurugi chuckled. “I miss you.” He began moving again with a heady moan.  
   “Mmmmm, I miss you too, Tsurugi.” Mikuni whispered as he stroked Tsurugi in time to his thrusts. Their eyes fell shut as they both lost themselves to the exquisite sounds and sensations of each other. The sensory deprivation only proved to hasten their oncoming orgasms and they came all at once, both of them screaming out for the other.  
Tsurugi slowly pulled off and flopped down onto his side with a contented sigh, hardly caring about any mess. Mikuni reach down over the side of the bed and grabbed his shirt to clean off his hand. He threw the dirty shirt back down and slid over to spoon Tsurugi, happily wrapping an arm over him and resting his face against Tsurugi’s silken hair. Sleep overtook them easily.

***

   It was hours later when they woke up, bodies tired but sated. Mikuni watched Tsurugi get dressed, wondering if he should really say what he was thinking or let things lie as they were. He swallowed thickly. “Tsurugi?”  
   “Hmmmm?” Tsurugi hopped into his pants and turned to face him with a flirty smile.  
   Mikuni tried to smile back, but the best he could manage was an awkward grimace. He couldn’t believe he was actually about to expose himself like this. It was Tsurugi, though. If he couldn’t drop the façade with him, then surely there was no one Mikuni could truly be himself with. “Do you still love me?”  
Tsurugi pulled his shirt down over his head and gazed down at him with a pained smile of his own. Two things were clear to him: Mikuni would never realize how desperately he wanted to admit to that, and some things just are not meant to be. “Do you still love me, Kuni-chan?”  
Mikuni found himself at an equal loss for words. He wondered if either of them would ever be able to be that honest, with anyone. He fell back against his pillows with a heavy sigh. “Could we ever…”  
   “…be anything more than pretend enemies?” Tsurugi finished his thought as he crossed over to sit on the bed and played with Mikuni’s hair. “I don’t think so.” He said gravely. Mikuni was about to respond when Tsurugi’s cell phone started beeping urgently, demanding his immediate attention. “That’s probably Tai-chan. I better get going.” Tsurugi leaned down to steal a bittersweet kiss before getting up and heading towards the door.  
   Mikuni chuckled angrily as he watched Tsurugi slip on his shoes, collect his things, and walk out the door as he picked up his phone. He wasn’t entirely sure where to direct his ire, and that made him all the more frustrated.  
    _Now I know how he felt back then, I guess._  
   He didn’t bother getting up to turn out the lights. Mikuni merely slipped under the covers with a heavy groan, closed his eyes, and prayed for sleep.


End file.
